You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
