Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
