I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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