took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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