Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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