pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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