You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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