we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
