I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
