My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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