He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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