those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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