I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
