I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
