Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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