my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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