So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You can't special order awesome
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
