the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
