i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
