First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
