And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
