So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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