I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
