He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
