Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
