oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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