hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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