Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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