I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
