uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
