um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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