Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
