you guys were way drunker than both of me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
