Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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