The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You made out with two different species that night
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
