She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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