A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
