I just saw a hot homeless man
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have already put on my inside pants.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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