I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Buhtt sex?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
