I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
