Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
