he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
