I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I will pee on everything he values.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
