Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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