You really coming over, don't trick.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
