You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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