Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
