3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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