i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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