also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
