At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
